it wasn't lemon gatorade
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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