I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
