my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
