Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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