Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
