i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
