if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
