Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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