I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
