HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
