you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
