Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
try to milk me bitch
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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