im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
