no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
