Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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