The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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