yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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