Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
