Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
