mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
