I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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