Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
