Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
