More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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