If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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