I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Small penises have feelings too.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
