Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
