I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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