So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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