Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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