Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
