we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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