I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
