Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
