Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
