dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
