Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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