You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
