ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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