Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
