i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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