Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
