You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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