ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
