she was so not down for the gang bang
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
