Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
