all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
