dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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