Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
