Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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