At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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