I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Im part way to drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
