I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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