dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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