I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
